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12月10日 I looked....This morning as I sat at Panera...I thought of so many things....I was reading the book of Ezekiel...just having finished Jeremiah and Lamentations. I got to thinking how some of these prophets must have felt...Ezekiel sometimes having to live out the judgments God was going to bring upon Israel and Judah for their disobedience and how pointless it might have seemed to them some days. Knowing that Israel would choose wrongly, but that God was asking them to do it anyway.
I was also a bit retrospective about my life and how much of it has been lived for Christ...regardless of the outcome. Sometimes these thoughts are kind of negative....almost defeating...that wasn't where my mind went this morning, so bear with me :). I got to thinking about how many of my motives have been pure...not many....how many of my actions have resulted in any kind of fruit? Sometimes I wonder about such things...have I made the right choices in life...has enough of it been lived for Christ? Then I always wonder...how can I be the judge of that....guess I'll have to keep leaving that to my Father. :)
I was reading a poem written by a friend who has years ago gone to be with Father...I think she had the same thoughts sometimes...here it is....
"I looked" by Lillian Naber
I looked upon a ranch one day that once I used to play
The barn had fallen to the ground, the yards were overgrown
The house in which we children grew, where we had lived for years
I turned to see it's corner falling down and brushed aside the tears
I looked upon my soul one day to find that it too had grown
thorns and nettles everywhere the seeds of neglect were sown
The years had passed while I had cared for things of lesser worth
The things of heaven I let go while minding things of earth
To Christ I turned with bitter tears and cried o Lord forgive
I haven't much time left for thee, not many years to live
The wasted years forever gone, the days I can't recall
Oh...if I could live those years again, I'd make thee lord of all.
But those times are forever gone...into your book of my life
Revealing my lack of love for One who loved me unto death
Even to the Cross!
Now as I look back on my life...I'm not sure how much of it has been lived for Christ...I am sure it could have held different paths and different circumstances had I made different decisions, but I guess I'm not resting on confidence that anything I have done was worth much of anything (have to keep reminding myself of it sometimes)....I'm pretty confident that had my life followed a different path...it would have looked different, but would have been filled with the same questions along that path as well. I know that many of my motives have been lacking and many of my actions flawed, but I remain confident that my Father's grace is sufficient to make even these wrong and flawed motives and actions of use. As I look back on my life...that is a very consistent theme...His grace and hand among the many mistakes :)
Even in the middle of flawed motives and actions I have seen the hand of God working....and it amazes me...that He can and does do amazing things through such flawed human beings. I can with confidence say that He will likely keep doing that in my life too...surprising me by working in situations and circumstances in which I find myself...regardless...because He owns me...I am His....I love Him.
I wonder as I look upon life...what the future holds....how much life will change in years to come...but I am confident still that my Father already knows and has a plan that I can not make a mess of beyond His ability to mend. He is a GREAT God...and a GREAT and GOOD Father. 引用通告此日志的引用通告 URL 是： http://isu1992.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!5E352BD1CB09529B!2416.trak 引用此项的网络日志
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